


Car-ried Away

by rehliamonster



Series: Skelebro Crackporn [3]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Car Sex, Crack, Crack Relationships, Cringe, Cringe humour, Ecto-Penis (Undertale), Explicit Sexual Content, Inanimate Object Porn, Other, Papyrus fucks his car, Puns & Word Play, Sans did not want to see this, Second-Hand Embarrassment, Sex with a Car, Sexual Humor, Sinnamon Roll Papyrus (Undertale), These brothers are degenerates, and gets roasted for it, car fetish, crack smut, crackfic, cuckolding mention, they fuck weird objects all the time and fight about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-06
Updated: 2018-11-06
Packaged: 2019-08-19 22:34:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16543583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rehliamonster/pseuds/rehliamonster
Summary: Papyrus and his car have a very special relationship, but their first time doesn't go as planned...





	Car-ried Away

**Author's Note:**

> My friends have put weird ideas into my brain again. Also credit to the gang for the title lol. 
> 
> [You can regularly vote which story I should update next on my Tumblr!](https://rehliamonster.tumblr.com/)!

It was night. 

Not just any night, but a night long awaited and planned for, one that would be the culmination of something truly great. 

A special night. 

It was the night Papyrus and his girlfriend would have sex for the very first time. 

They had been dating for a while. It had started out innocently enough; they had met through their brother and it had been love at first sight. They were clearly meant for each other. They had so much in common: they both loved wearing red, they were both extremely good looking, powerful and enviable, they both had bodies that were harder than what most other monsters and humans would consider normal, but they were soft on the inside…

Initially they had taken it slow. Long drives through the scenic countryside, picnics, watching the stars. Then they had moved on to gentle caresses, shy touches and little signs towards each other. 

Papyrus had been nervous about this step, not sure if they were truly ready yet, but… 

He could tell she wanted this. 

It was time. 

Obviously he had prepared the room; there were candles everywhere casting a soft glow and the floor was covered in rose petals to set the atmosphere. They’d had some drinks together while slowly getting closer and began making out. 

Now, Papyrus could hardly wait. 

He ran his hands over her curves, already having taken off his gloves. The metal of her hull felt so pleasantly smooth against his bones and he sighed. 

Papyrus’ car was gleaming in the candlelight, having been lovingly washed and waxed earlier today outside. His brother had come to watch, unknowing what this had been in preparation for. Papyrus had felt so naughty in that moment! But he didn’t want to think of that now. 

Only of her.

His car. 

His beloved, beautiful cabriolet, his girlfriend.

“I WANT YOU SO MUCH…” he told her. He was more than ready, his erection already straining in his pants. 

He pressed his pelvis forwards, allowing his still clothed magic to rub against her doors. 

“DO YOU LIKE THIS…?” he asked, already beginning to pant. 

A flicker of one particular candle sent a sliver of shadows over her hood. 

“OH NO, SHHH, THERE’S NO NEED TO WORRY. I’LL BE GENTLE. I PROMISE. JUST LEAN BACK… AND RELAX… I’M GOING TO TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOU,” he promised, as gentle and supportive as he could manage. He did truly care for her after all, and he wanted her to enjoy this just as much as he was. 

“NOW… LET’S GET STARTED, YES? JUST PREPARING FOR NOW.” 

He picked up the bucket of warm water mixed with soap he had prepared earlier. It was an easy to use lube for this situation, and it would help her feel clean too! A bonus for sure. His girlfriend was definitely a car who preferred cleanliness; another thing they had in common. He could just tell. 

Positioning himself at her rear, he dipped his hand into the bucket and began slowly working his fingers into her exhaust pipe, carefully massaging the insides of the pipe and spreading the soapy water. 

“MMMMH… BABY, YOU’RE STILL SO WARM HERE…” he groaned. The metal of her exhaust pipe wasn’t so hot that it would be uncomfortable for him, but he had left her running for a bit earlier to warm her up for him. She had wanted it too of course, practically begging to be made ready for his entry. 

He added more soapy water to his hand and began slathering it generously over and into her exhaust pipe. This was their first time and he wanted to make sure it wouldn’t hurt. Besides, the slippery moisture turned him on. It would feel amazing. He was already panting heavily. 

“OKAY, I THINK YOU’RE READY,” he finally choked out. “DON’T BE SCARED NOW… I’M GOING TO MAKE YOU FEEL SO GOOD… YOU’LL LOVE THIS…” 

Finally, _finally_ he freed his erection from his pants. His long, thick cock sprang free, proud and hard as anything. His hands still slippery from the soap, he pumped it a couple of times for the extra lubrication, moaning heavily at the feeling. 

Oh yes. This would be amazing. 

Papyrus got to his knees and positioned himself. He had to crouch down low to reach her moistened entrance, but that was fine. He had no problem lowering himself for her. From this position, if he looked up, her derriere filled his field of vision almost entirely, wide and full. He choked on his own breath, too turned on by her mass. 

She was so hot, her shape, how heavy and strong and fast she was, her colour, the gleam of her coating, her sturdy metal and the glass of her windows, the cheeky slant of her rear and head lights. 

Slowly, he began pushing his erection into her slippery cave, no longer able to hold back. 

“OH SWEETIE,” he moaned, “YOU FEEL SO GOOD!” 

He swore he could feel her clench around his cock, the steely tightness of her slick car-pussy gripping him just right. As much as he started slow to let her get used to the rhythm, he was soon pumping in and out of her with all his might. 

“OH YES! OH GOD! YOU’RE AMAZING!” he cried. He had his arms wrapped around as much of her rear as he could hold, clinging to her large form. His cock was sliding and slipping on the soapy wetness of her hole. The clacking of his pelvis hitting her metal and the slick and wet noises of their jointness were loud in the otherwise silent garage.

It was so tight, and warm, and wet. And he had waited so long for this, she felt so incredible and he loved her so much, he was so happy they finally got to consummate their relationship in such a romantic and intimate way. 

She was his, only his, he was marking her and nobody would ever be able to lay claim to her in quite the same way. The thought of someone else doing this to her enraged him, spurring him to move faster out of jealousy. Nobody would ever be good enough! Nobody would have make love to her so thoroughly! For some reason, it also made this feel even hotter.

Never had his body felt so good, never before, it was -

He needed to ensure it was as good for her, he gripped the pipe with one of his hands, squeezing it to give her please, it was - 

Fuck, yes, he was coming, he was - 

“NYEHEHEHEHEHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!” he ejaculated, both in the vocal and in the carnal sense. 

“HEH!”

Had he been in the possession of eyes, they would have rolled back from the sheer pleasure of feeling his cum fill up her tight snatch. He could sense spilling himself in her as clear as day, his juices flowing inside her and mixing with the soapy water. Grunts and moans filled the garage, the soundtrack of their lovemaking. 

Slowly, he came down from his high. 

Whewie! 

That had been an experience. 

He huffed out a happy laughter, a little ‘nyeh heh heh’ just for himself. 

“WAS IT AS GOOD FOR YOU AS IT WAS FOR ME?”

He gently caressed her chassis. Of course it had been. Her reactions… the tightness of her, her wetness… it was clear as day. 

Deciding to pull out, he thought of what he would say to her as he walked around to her front, imagined lying next to her or even inside her as they enjoyed the afterglow together. 

A squeak escaped past his teeth. 

That had hurt! 

What… ?

He looked down in confusion and pulled again, this time crying out when a sharp pain shot through his sensitive manrod. 

It didn’t budge at all. 

Disbelievingly, his sockets remained trailed on where they were stubbornly joined. His cock, long and thick as ever, looked slightly swollen in comparison to the exhaust pipe now. 

“OH NO.”

He frantically scabbled for the bucket, intent to use more soap water to get out. A miscalculation that was all, he had not thought about how the friction and heat might evaporate the water faster - 

His frantic hands knocked against the bucket and it fell over. 

“NO!!!” he cried out. 

He tried in desperation to scoop some of it up and use it on himself, but the dried rose petals and the carpet he had insisted on rolling out under the car was soaking it all up too quickly. 

“NO, PLEASE!” he begged. 

It was no use. He was stuck, and he didn’t know what to do. Tentatively he tried to pull again, but this time the pain was so strong that he nearly doubled over. He would have, if he had the space to do it, as it was his skull merely thunked against the car. 

“I’M…. I’M SORRY… PLEASE DON’T BE MAD….” 

His girlfriend didn’t reply, and his cock hurt, and Papyrus wept in shame and pain. 

Now that the aftermath was turning out so terribly, the warmth that had suffused his bones before quickly left. He felt cold and uncomfortable kneeling on the thin, cold garage carpet in such an awkward position, and his joints were quickly starting to protest. 

Papyrus gingerly touched his penis, not trying to pull out, just trying to get a feel for it, but even that hurt now. He wished he could just dispell his magic, but it was still too agitated for that and interacting too closely with the exhaust pipe. There would be no escaping this unless he managed to wiggle his way out. 

Cold, humiliated and alone, he had no choice but to wait. 

That was the easy part. 

The hard part… that was yet to follow. 

He sniffled at the mere thought of it, already mentally preparing for how he would have to gut himself. 

A few hours later, he was over it, and just wanted to be done. Why the fuck did this take so long. He was fucking suffering. He was tired, he was cramped, his dick was swollen and raw like a mutilated bologna sausage, and he was shivering. To hell with embarrassment! He would take it all just to be freed of this! 

Finally he heard it. 

The key in the lock of the front door. 

Thank the angel. 

“SANS!” 

Silence. 

“SANS PLEASE TELL ME THAT’S YOU! I NEED YOUR HELP, I’M STUCK IN A VERY - “

The soft pop of a teleport, and his brother’s worried face appeared before Papyrus could finish speaking. 

“bro what - “

He saw. 

His sockets went wide. 

“ _COMPROMISING SITUATION SANS_ , YOU SHOULD REALLY LET ME FINISH! LOOK AWAY!” 

“oh my fucking….” Sans whimpered, hiding his face behind his hands. “oh no. please, no.” 

“YES, THAT’S WHAT I SAID TO WHEN I NOTICED THE PICKLE I HAD GOTTEN MYSELF IN. NOW, COULD YOU GO AND GET ME SOME LUBE IF YOU HAVE ANY? BECAUSE I DON’T. OR BUTTER? ANYTHING GREASY, REALLY, AND MAKE IT FAST PLEASE BECAUSE THIS REALLY HURTS.” 

“papyrus… why…”

“WE’RE IN LOVE SANS, DON’T JUDGE US.”

“ _we?!?_ ”

“MY GIRLFRIEND, THE LITTLE VEHICULAR VIXEN HERE, AND I! YES! IT’S NOT THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND. THE BUTTER, SANS. THE LUBE. WHICHEVER!”

“you love your car.”

“SANS I AM - “

“you seriously… you fucked your car.”

“AS YOU OBVIOUSLY JUST SAW, I DID! IT WAS MUTUAL, OKAY?! HER CARGINA WAS EXTREMELY MOIST SO I KNOW SHE WANTED IT TOO!” 

“what the fuck! what the fucking fuck!” Sans’ voice sounded utterly gutted, as if he had been pried apart. It wasn’t that Papyrus didn’t care, but he didn’t have time for that now. 

“NOW ABOUT THE BUTTER - “

“why is your car your girlfriend?! were you thinking of this the whole time when i saved up to give it to you?!”

“NOW LET’S NOT MAKE THIS WEIRD, SANS - “

“ _are you telling me not to make this weird while your dick is stuck in an exhaust pipe_ ,” Sans roared.

Papyrus recoiled. He didn’t have to say it like that!

“DON’T BE CRUDE!” 

“ _your dick is in an exhaust pipe!_ ”

“DON’T KINKSHAME ME!” 

“first the spaghetti and now this - “

“YOU TRAITOR! WE PROMISED WE WOULD NEVER SPEAK OF THE SPAGHETTI AGAIN!” Papyrus cried, the betrayal stinging deeper than his shame ever could. “BESIDES, WHAT ABOUT YOU AND YOUR SLIME VIDEO!”

“th-that was different!” Sans protested, a blush climbing up his skull. 

“WAS NOT!” 

“in any case, you did that too!” 

“ONLY BECAUSE OF THE POPULARITY! AND I FOUND SOMETHING ELSE TO SATISFY ME NOW ANYWAY!” 

“paps i love you but you have a problem.”

“I JUST ASKED YOU FOR SOME GREASY HELP HERE!”

“this can’t continue, bro.”

“WHY MUST YOU BE LIKE THIS NOW!”

“you need help.”

“CAN WE HAVE THE BROTHERLY TALK LATER WHEN I DON’T HAVE A METAL ENCASED LEFTOVER ERECTION!”

Sans cringed so hard Papyrus thought he would actually fall over. Then he vanished without another word. He thankfully returned soon after, not looking at Papyrus, holding out a stick of butter that was almost used up. 

“that’s all we had.” 

“BROTHER THAT IS HARDLY ENOUGH!” 

“well, what do you want me to do!” 

“GO BUY MORE!” 

“it’s night, the shops are closed!” 

“WELL I CAN’T STAY LIKE THIS OVERNIGHT SANS! MY DICK WON’T MAKE IT, EVEN IF IT’S MADE OF MAGIC!”

“please stop talking about your dick,” Sans gagged. 

“THEN HELP ME GET IT OUT!” 

“the fuck, i’m not touching that!” 

“NOT LIKE THAT!” 

“that’s it, i’m gonna call tori, i’m sure she’ll know what to do.”

“WHAT?! NO, SANS! IT WAS HARD ENOUGH TO CALL FOR YOUR HELP! DON’T EXPOSE ME LIKE THIS!” 

“you’ll need her help anyway, i’m sure she knows a good therapist - “

“I CAN’T SHOW THE FORMER QUEEN MY COCK!” 

“should i call undyne instead?” 

“....NO. SHE’D JUST RIP IT OFF.”

“welp.”

“YES.”

“that’s your only concern? not that your best friend and captain would see your… “ he waved vaguely in Papyrus’ direction. 

“SHE ALREADY KNOWS HER GIRLFRIEND IS INTO MACHINES, SHE WOULD NEVER JUDGE ME. UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE.” 

“i meant her seeing your… ana-honda,” Sans said.

“...SANS. SERIOUSLY.” 

“what, are you…” he snickered, “ _tyred_ of my wordplay? i hadn't even started.”

“SANS!”

“i can do this all night long without a _brake_.”

“SANS I SWEAR - “

“get _wrecked_.”

“IF YOU KEEP GETTING _CAR_ -RIED AWAY LIKE THIS, I’LL TELL TORIEL ABOUT THE THING YOU DID WITH THE BODY PILLOW AND THE BURGER BUN!” 

It was enough to make Sans rapidly look up. 

“you wouldn’t _dare_ \- oh, ew, dude. that looks bad.” 

“OH, NOW YOU’RE SUDDENLY GETTING OVER IT!” 

“bro, i think that needs more than just butter.”

“LUBE?”

“try a welding machine.” 

“NO!!!”

“yes. you’ll thank me later.”

“SANS NO!”

This time, however, no matter how much he pleaded, Sans didn’t budge. His brother called the emergency services and Papyrus had to kneel doggy style behind his car for another four hours while the exhaust pipe was severed from his car and his dick slowly welded out of its entrapment. 

In spite of Papyrus’ threat, Sans kept making car puns at him the entire time.


End file.
